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Die, Robot/Transcript
DISCLAIMER FUTURE TRUNKS: 'The following is a fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, DragonBall GT, and DragonBall Super are all owned by FUNimation, TOEI Animation, Shueisha, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release. ''(cut to Capsule Corp, where Future Trunks is preparing to go back to his timeline) '''BULMA: '''Make sure to tell future me she raised you right. '''FUTURE TRUNKS: Oh, I got a lot to tell you. GOHAN: I'm gonna miss you, Trunks. KRILLIN: 'Have a safe trip back to the future, McFly! ''(Future Trunks looks at Vegeta leaning up against a tres, who gives Future Trunks the middle finger. Future Trunks replies by giving Vegeta the middle finger, prompting Vegeta to smirk.) ''(Future Trunks goes in his time machine, preparing for travel)'' '''FUTURE TRUNKS: (waving, as his time machine is blasting off) Goodbye, everyone! I'll never forget you! BULMA: (waving at Future Trunks) ''See you in seventeen years, sweetie! ''(Yamcha, Krillin, and Gohan are looking up at Future Trunks in his time machine, and watch as his time machine disappears) (scene changes to Future Trunks' timeline outside of Capsule Corp. His time machine is seen arriving with TARDIS sound effects.) FUTURE BULMA: Ha ha ha! Suck on that "vurst", Einstein! Collapse that wave function all over your pasty German a-- (looks up at Future Trunks) ''Huh? Trunks! ''(stands up) Oh, you're back! Thank goodness you're-- (notices Future Trunks' stern look) ...Everything go well? FUTURE TRUNKS: Hey Mom! You ever met Dad? FUTURE BULMA: (sighs) Okay look, love is complicated. (cut to outside of Capsule Corp. A steaming teapot can be heard) FUTURE BULMA: Seriously, how was I supposed to prepare you for a year alone with him? (cut to back inside of Capsule Corp, in the kitchen. Radio music can be heard) FUTURE BULMA: I never even got a week. FUTURE TRUNKS: Mom, you didn't prepare me for a car ride to the grocery store with the man. What did you see in him? FUTURE BULMA: A short, stubborn, powerful person desperate for recognition. As a female scientist in her early thirties, I... (sets teapot down) ...guess I identified with that. FUTURE TRUNKS: I just wish I could have. FUTURE BULMA: Well, apparently, you're his baby boy, so... he wasn't all bad, right? FUTURE TRUNKS: A revelation that came at the cost of my literal life. Then again, considering the dysfunction of that whole group... maybe I'm not the worst off. FUTURE BULMA: Yeah. Because I raised you right. FUTURE TRUNKS: (turns to Future Bulma) Oh. About that... Before you found out that I was your son... (hesitantly) in the past... you... might've made a pass of me. FUTURE BULMA: Well, duh. FUTURE TRUNKS: Mom! FUTURE BULMA: Hey, it's not my fault your dad's genetics and mine got along like chocolate and peanut butter. FUTURE TRUNKS: (shocked) ''Is that why you used to call me your little peanut butter cup? ''(radio starts to broadcast to AMW station. Gunshots can be heard in the background) FUTURE WOMBAT: (on radio, calmly) This is Alpha Leader Wombat, comin' at you live from Parsley City! We've got our special guests, the Cyborgs, and they are TEARING IT UP! I already lost five men, I'm runnin' out of ammo, and I'm holed up in the bank. This looks like it'll be ALW's last report. Watch out, TJ... (frantically and growing more distant, as if running away from mic) I'M COMIN' HOME, BROTHA! LEONIDAS: (on radio) ''FOR TONIGHT! WE DINE! IN HE-- ''(radio loses signal to ALW) FUTURE TRUNKS: (standing up, clenching his fist) Perfect. Just saved me the effort of hunting them down. FUTURE BULMA: Be careful. I know you're stronger, but I don't want history repeating itself. FUTURE TRUNKS: Don't worry, Mom. I'll be back before that tea gets cold. Actually, i-it's gonna take me a little while to get there, so... FUTURE BULMA: Right, so want me to put it in a thermos, or make more when you get back--? FUTURE TRUNKS: You can just-- you know, I'll just finish it now. (takes huge sip from his tea) (scene changes to Parsley City. Large section of city explodes. Future Cyborg 18 is angrily shooting ki blasts at an area. Future Cyborg 17 is standing there, watching his sister) FUTURE CYBORG 17: You know, sis, they say catharsis is actually bad for your health. FUTURE CYBORG 18: (turns to face Future Cyborg 17) And so is calling me a, quote, "Hoe-bot", end quote! (turns back to continue firing) FUTURE CYBORG 17: I would go with... "Ro-thot". FUTURE CYBORG 18: I'm not even an Android! FUTURE CYBORG 17: Well, duh. Since you're a girl, you'd obviously be a gynoid... (An old man crawls from underneath a turned-over car, holding out a gun) FUTURE CYBORG 17: ...which is funny, considering "guy" is the na-- (The old man shoots his gun at Future Cyborg 17's head. The bullet bounces off, startling him) FUTURE CYBORG 17: (whispering) Mother... (The old man gasps as Future Cyborg 17 turns around to face him) FUTURE CYBORG 17: (walking towards the old man) Not a bad shot, Pops. (The old man shoots three bullets, all of which bounce off from Future Cyborg 17's body) FUTURE CYBORG 17: Must be popular down at the shooting range. (The old man shoots two more bullets before giving up. Future Cyborg 17 towers over the old man) FUTURE CYBORG 17: I, on the other hand, have terrible aim.'' (pulls a pistol from his pocket, then pulls the old man's head up, gun pointing towards his chin)'' I gotta get up real close, see? (grins evilly) So do me a favor: sit still. OLD MAN: If you're reading this-- (Future Cyborg 17 shoots, instantly killing the old man) FUTURE CYBORG 17: Oh right. "Gynoid". Like "gynecology". Huh. It's obvious when I think about it-- FUTURE TRUNKS: (offscreen) Get away from him! (Future Cyborg 17 turns around to see Future Trunks arriving) FUTURE TRUNKS: I hope you got everything out of your wretched lives you wanted, because they end today! Nobody else is going to-- (notices the dead the old man) Oh... probably could've microwaved that tea... FUTURE CYBORG 17: Well, well, well. Hey there, Lilac. It's been a few weeks. Surprised you're on your feet already. Also breathing. FUTURE CYBORG 18: See, 17? This is what you get when you don't double tap. Also, does he look different to you? FUTURE CYBORG 17: Yeah. Ditched the sword, lost the jacket. Plus, you got jacked. You must be crushing that five-by-five. Also, did you get a little taller, or--? FUTURE CYBORG 18: (turns to Future Cyborg 17) Jesus Christ. Swipe right already! (turns back to Future Trunks) FUTURE CYBORG 17: Pretty sure he's more of your type. FUTURE CYBORG 18: (grinning evilly) ''No thanks. I'm into shorter men. ''(shoots an energy blast which Future Trunks dodges) (Future Trunks reappears behind Future Cyborg 18) FUTURE CYBORG 17: Sis, watch out! (Future Trunks punches Future Cyborg 18 into a building) FUTURE CYBORG 18: (while penetrating through the buildings) GOD--DAMN--CHEAP--SHOTTING--ASSHOLE!!! (stops and lands in a pile of debris, sits up) Now it's too bad you left that sword at home... (stands up angrily) Because now I'm gonna have to do what comes next WITH MY BARE HANDS!!!'' (charges to punch Future Trunks)'' (Future Trunks grabs Future Cyborg 18's fist, and then throws her. Future Cyborg 18 shoots a ki blast at Future Trunks, who easily dodges it. Future Cyborg 18 lands in front of Future Cyborg 17) FUTURE CYBORG 17: Is this a bad time to point out his specific choice in shirt? FUTURE TRUNKS: Y'know, it's funny, and a little bit sad. You two Androids didn't have to turn out like this. The ones I met in the-- FUTURE CYBORG 17: Hold up. Did you just call us "Androids"? That's offensive. FUTURE CYBORG 18: Again with this shit? FUTURE TRUNKS: Oh. Right. Uh, they called you "Androids" in the past. FUTURE CYBORG 17: The past? What, did you time travel? FUTURE TRUNKS: Uhh... yeah... FUTURE CYBORG 18: Wait. When was that? Shouldn't we remember you? FUTURE TRUNKS: How about this: If I don't kill you in the next minute, I'll give you an explanation. FUTURE CYBORG 17: Trust me, Wife Beater. By the time we're done with you... we won't need one. FUTURE CYBORG 18: (turns to Future Cyborg 17) ''Wait a second... That's what you meant by his choice in shirt? Jesus, dude! '''FUTURE CYBORG 17:' What, are you kidding? I put a bullet in some dude's gray-matter not two minutes ago, and that's what's got you offended--? (Future Trunks dives toward Future Cyborg 18, holding out a hand) FUTURE CYBORG 18: (shocked) ''Wait... ''(Future Trunks shoots a large ki blast at Future Cyborg 18, killing her immediately) FUTURE CYBORG 17: (shocked by Future Cyborg 18's sudden death) Any chance I could... talk you out of this? FUTURE TRUNKS: (turns to Future Cyborg 17) What was my master's name? FUTURE CYBORG 17: Huh? FUTURE TRUNKS: The man who taught me. The man whose arm you took. (voice rising) The man you killed. (sharply) What. Was. His. Name? FUTURE CYBORG 17: (hesitantly, shaking) Goooo... kuuuuuu... Junioooooor...? FUTURE TRUNKS: WRONG ANSWER!!! (kicks Future Cyborg 17 in the face, who yelps, somersaults into the air, then proceeds to shoot a ki blast to finish Future Cyborg 17 off, resulting in a large explosion that engulfs a large area of the city) (as smoke and fire fills the screen, screen fades to white) (scene changes to five years later. Camera pans an aerial view over the city, which is undergoing construction) FUTURE BULMA: You really think he's going to take the bait? FUTURE TRUNKS: I'm pretty sure I have a corpse in another timeline that says, "Yes, he will." Now stick to the script, Mom. FUTURE BULMA: Geez. Morbid. Ahem... (acting terribly) Alright, son! Time to take this time machine back to the past! Where there are two living Cyborgs! For you to help Goku defeat! FUTURE TRUNKS: (also acting terribly) Thanks, Mom! I can't wait to save all those juicy fat people in the past from those Cyborgs with this time machine! FUTURE BULMA: Make sure to write! (fake laughs) FUTURE TRUNKS: (fake laughs with his mother) (while Future Bulma and Future Trunks are pretending, Future Cell approaches, looking from the corner of a building) (Future Trunks suddenly stops, sensing Future Cell's ki) FUTURE BULMA: What? (sees Future Cell eavesdropping) Oh shit. Is that him? You know, you never told me he was green, but I imagined he was green. FUTURE TRUNKS: (looking back, quietly) Mom. FUTURE BULMA: He's looking right at us. Does he... Does he know I can see him? (Future Cell growls) Is his vision based on movement? FUTURE TRUNKS: (quietly) ''Mom. Script. '''FUTURE BULMA:' (continues acting terribly) Alright, son! I'm going to make dinner! It'll be done by the time you get back! (goes back inside Capsule Corp) FUTURE TRUNKS: (back still turned on Future Cell) Alright, tall, dark and bugly... (Future Cell gasps,' dumbfounded and surprised)'' I know you're there. '''FUTURE CELL: No you don't! This is an ambush--! (realizes his mistake) Ohhhh... FUTURE TRUNKS: (turns to Future Cell) I also know you're here to kill me, and take my time machine, so let's skip the monologue. Also you killing me. FUTURE CELL: (walking towards Future Trunks) Awww... But that's the fun part. And unfortunately, I seem to be missing two... vital pieces. So I'm gonna need that time machine, so I can-- FUTURE TRUNKS: Go back in the past, and absorb the Cyborgs. FUTURE CELL: To achieve my--! FUTURE TRUNKS: Perfect Form. FUTURE CELL: Okay, you suck. You're sucking all the fun out of this! I'm the only one who sucks here, boy--! (realizing what he said) That came out wrong. FUTURE TRUNKS: Nah, sounds right to me. FUTURE BULMA: (watching from behind a window) Seriously, whose DNA made him look like he stepped in a teleporter with Jeff Goldblum? FUTURE CELL: How... (clenches his fist) How do you know all this? FUTURE TRUNKS: Because... as someone once told me... Multiverse Theory's a bitch. FUTURE CELL: ...Okay. I feel like you're referencing something, and I don't get it, and that's not fair. So I'm really gonna need that time machine now, so I can just go back and redo this whole conversation. FUTURE TRUNKS: Sorry, Cell. You've already got your way once. FUTURE CELL: Wait... "Cell"? Is that my name? Oh man, that's way better than the name I came up with! I was thinking... "Jiren". (Future Trunks just glares at Future Cell) Yeah, see, I thought it was boring, too. (Future Trunks yells, forcing Future Cell to fly upwards) FUTURE CELL: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! (Future Trunks and Future Cell land on a hillside) FUTURE TRUNKS: I hope you're prepared to meet your maker... in Hell! Because I'm pretty sure that's where Dr. Gero is. FUTURE CELL: Ohohoho. You think you're CUTE?! (powers up) FUTURE TRUNKS: Bitch... (transforms to Super Saiyan, raises a fist) I'm adorable. (Future Cell charges towards Future Trunks, exchanging blows to each other. Future Trunks punches Future Cell upwards, then teleports to him. Future Cell tries to punch Future Trunks, who immediately teleports again behind him, then kicks him in the back. Future Cell screams as he is being skyrocketed, but then stops and powers up) FUTURE CELL: (looking at the camera) Boy, howdy, kids. Looks like your old friend Cell is in quite a sticky wicket. Whatever should he do? (pauses) ''Use the Kamehameha? ''(gets in the Kamehameha stance) Good idea! Ka... Me.... FUTURE TRUNKS: (charging a large energy wave) HAAAAAAA! FUTURE CELL: LETMEFINISH! FUTURE TRUNKS: GET OUTTA MY F**KING TIMELINE!!!'' '(fires his Burning Bomber) (transit to flashbacks) '''FUTURE CELL: (starts singing "My Way" by Frank Sinatra) ♪And now, the end is near--♪ (cut to present, of Future Cell being engulfed in Future Trunks' Burning Bomber) FUTURE CELL: AHH! GODDAMMIT! ''(being disintegrated)'' SHIIIYEAAAUUUUUUH...! FUTURE TRUNKS: (reverts to base form, smiling at the sky) It's over... After everything... this feels... this feels... (eyes widen) anticlimact-- SEQUENCE STINGER (cut to Future Bulma talking about her "magical night" with Future Vegeta to Future Trunks) FUTURE BULMA: '''So, truth be told, I never really got to know your father that well. He and I shared one night of passion after he came back to Earth. '''FUTURE TRUNKS: ''(uncomfortable) Mom, you- '''FUTURE BULMA: '''And unfortunately, he didn't know what protection meant! '''FUTURE TRUNKS: '(growing horrified) I REALLY don't need to know this! FUTURE BULMA: '''But after that first time, I just thought, "Well, in for a penny, in for a pounding"... '''FUTURE TRUNKS: ''(disgusted, nervous) Aaaaaahhhh... '''FUTURE BULMA: '...and I REALLY was! (cut to outside of Capsule Corp, with Future Trunks' horrified screaming heard from inside) Category:DBZA Transcripts